Why is it so scary to be honest?
The warm and radiant yes of the heart is perfect, like the sun,
in bringing all things to life and nourishing all that is truly human.
John Welwood
Do you struggle with sometimes saying, “Yes” when you really want to say, “No?” This can happen when fear, e.g., fear of being rejected, someone else’s anger, hurting their feelings, comes between us and our true feelings. An effective tool to lessen fear, and its dysfunctional choices, is found in the practice of Non-Violent Communication. With this tool, we learn how to identify and connect with our own feelings. We learn to undo shame or blame and replace it with self-acceptance and compassion.
While there are many ways to learn and practice NVC, it typically starts with the book.
Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Compassion by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D., provides a revolutionary understanding of communication and why it can feel so challenging or disappointing. The book describes how feelings and needs are inherently connected. It centers on defining Empathy and then provides the tools to improve Empathy and Self-Empathy.
As we learn how to be more compassionate towards ourselves, we can stop making fear-based choices and give and receive in truly satisfying and authentic ways. We can learn how to take the risk of speaking our truth. The pay-off can be life changing.
Here is a short list of communication habits that get in the way of feeling connected and safe to share authentically.
Words, Attitudes & Intentions That Block Empathy
- Having a direction
- Wanting to be right
- Wanting to heal someone
- Wanting to change someone else
- To resolve a problem or find a solution
- To console
- Sympathy
- Diagnosing
- Theorizing/knowing more than the speaker
- Past experiences (past opinions & prejudices)